“People only see what they wanted to see, hear what they wanted to hear, but unfortunately, they can’t only feel what they wanted to feel….”
That is what I thought in my mind. I wonder why in life, people can choose what they wanted to see and hear what they wanted to hear. Like, sometimes when things doesn’t seems right for them, people kinda ignore it, and choose to go along with perception that they originally wanted. But why, when it comes to feeling, people cannot only feel what they wanted to feel? It will be so good, I thought, if we, people, can only feel what we wanted feel. Of course, most people, including me, would prefer to only feel something good. Because the moment when you feel something bad, i.e. pain, well you know the struggle is real.
When the pain is kicked in, you know it’s coming. And you know it will not be something easy to bear. Your chest feel so ‘full’, your breath is getting heavier, it feels like something in your chest need to be out. And then you feel better when you finally crying, like that thing finally out. It seems lighter. But then when you thought about the cause of your pain, that horrible feeling is coming again. And repeat.
And it stops one day. You don’t know the reason why it stops, all you know that times heals.
So, why can’t we feel what we wanted to feel? In life, we often feel heartbreak, anger, sadness and another horrible feelings. When it happens, no matter how many times you’ve experienced it, you cannot stop it. You cannot heal it. Only times heals. So, for what purpose, we feel those horrible feeling, when we cannot even learn how to control it?
I kept wonder why. Until that moment comes. The moment I stop wonder, not because I fully understand the purpose of feel those horrible feelings, but because I realize how it shaped me as a human.
By feeling those, it helped me to accept. To accept, that life comes with its ups and downs. That nothing stays permanent in life.
To be grateful, for those moment I feel joy and blessed. To cherish even simply happiness. To appreciate even small pleasures in life.
To compromise, with my own self, for the good and the bad in me. Knowing myself a bit more. Learning about my limit. And finally love myself the way I am.
To feel empathy, towards other’s pain. Be considerate and willing to see things from their point of view.
To feel more alive. Because after all those painful times, I am still proudly run in my live.